current state.

it's such a strange time. the days have finally become consistently mild-temperatured - low to mid-seventies during the day, possibly even hitting the 80s. the nights are cool but humid so one always feels a little sweaty and never quite clean.

people are studying for finals, or already done and gone. those remaining crawl the campus during the day, soaking up the sun; students are out tossing frisbees, baseballs as they take breaks between cramming and finishing up final projects and papers.

i've taken one of five exams i have this semester, and am currently studying for the two i have tomorrow (chemistry and microeconomics). it's hard to come up with the motivation to do well when all that matters at this point is passing, and yet i can't actually get myself to not care enough to call it an early night and get a full night's sleep.

my mind flutters to and fro among the people currently impacting my life the most - family, friends, theodore. yes, it's been almost two months since the breakup became official and yet he still manages to put me on one hell of an emotional roller coaster whenever we have any sort of real conversation. i mean, most of the time okay - i'm pretty good at building walls and overriding my emotions - but it's not something i can do 100% of the time.

i hate still being in philadelphia - every inch of me aches to be back in california, and to be working instead of studying, going to baseball games instead of simply following them online, to be driving the thirty or so miles to the west side instead of walking the mile between my apartment and campus to attend a worthless review session. and yet a tiny bit of me will miss this place - living in my own apartment, the multitudes of food trucks, BYOs and fantastic restaurants, being able to go out drinking and not worry about driving home, the handful of close friends without whom this year would have been impossibly agonizing and miserable.

and of course, it's always interesting to look at the past four years and how much things have changed, how much i have changed. which then leads to thoughts about the future and what it brings. it's scary as hell because i know it's not going to turn out the way i'm planning it - life never does - but i still can't wait for it to happen.. thirteen days!