so something i've been dealing with this whole school year is an overwhelming sense of loneliness. no longer being in funk, and not having theodore around definitely took its toll on my emotional state of being. it was mostly self-imposed though, since i basically locked myself away in my apartment and my only real human contact was limited to class time (when i would ignore everyone anyway) and the lunch/dinner dates i would arrange with tannis, cricket or domi every couple weeks. i even stopped going to tango practicas back in november when one of the dancers started making me feel uncomfortable with his advances (which is a pity because he was an amazing leader and great to dance with). i was lonely, but cringed at too much non-superficial interaction.
i hated it because i used to be someone who loved, even craved solitude, and rarely felt lonely when alone. after the break up, it actually got worse and i went into massive self-destructive behavior mode for a few days. since then, i've been forcing myself to go to the gym in hopes of exhausting myself since my insomnia has only gotten worse (though i've really only managed to bring back the tendonitis in my knees and ankles) as well as being more social (refriending the 100+ people i de-friended on facebook, talking to people i haven't talked to in forever, talking to people i wouldn't normally talk to, accepting party invitations, meeting up with ppl other than my usuals for coffee/food/drinks, etc). i'm back to being the girl i was back in the first three years of high school who pretended to be social and friends with everyone. it makes the days pass a little easier even though it really can't do anything for the lonely nights. besides, i figure it's good practice for the workplace where office politics come into play.
2 comments:
Hey Gorgeous,
Hang in there. You're definitely about to hit a REALLY awkward time, where suddenly you're faced with the end of a very significant portion of your life: college. Next, Penn will bend over backwards to make you nostalgic about your Penn experience and everybody and their dog will start treating you like you were best friends through the whole experience. It's very awkward. You'll feel like you're ending a huge chapter (which you are), but even more exciting, you'll be starting one anew. The opportunity to reinvent yourself in a world that's only semifamiliar will be a welcome one. You'll get to add structure, schedule and consistency into your life, which, I assure you, is the best part of "grown up life". Your evenings, weekends and vacation time will finally be your own! Change is coming...
Glad to hear you're taking things into your own hands. Just brace yourself! It's gonna get weirder...
For what it's worth, I found myself in a similar non-social situation recently. Your persistence and perseverance (traits I know you possess) will pay off in the end.
FYI, the office politics can be crazy around work. I failed to hold the door open for a layout artist last Monday and suddenly my life became a living hell for the rest of the week. ;)
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